During a breakup, there is not a one size fits all approach to continued friendship. One mistake many exes make is trying to make a friendship work right after a breakup. Often there needs to be space to heal and decompress from the relationship, and if the breakup ended on amicable terms, then a friendship can be pursued in the future. However, a friendship with an ex should not be the default. Be sure to temper expectations and not promise friendship when that is not what you can provide. Sometimes people will make an offer of continued friendship to soothe and caretake the partner they just broke up with. Avoid this pitfall by spending time contemplating what it is you truly want, not what you may feel you owe the person. Not pursuing a friendship is completely okay.
During a breakup, it is helpful to use mindful communication. Hurt feelings drive people to say malicious things, like accusing a partner that the breakup is their fault. Although this very well might be the case, especially if one partner caused damage to the relationship by breaching their trust, give space between your thoughts and your words. What do you really want to say? If you are angry, what other feelings are below the anger? Do you feel rejected, hurt, or disrespected?
Couples therapists are not only for couples who are trying to improve their relationship. Exes or soon to be exes can attend therapy together to consciously uncouple. A skilled relationship therapist can help with this painful process and provide both member's support.
Pictured: a pink, ripped paper heart on a string.